I have an incredibly difficult time with letting things roll off my back. I’m sensitive, to a fault, and my mind pokes at past conversations and events until I feel I have a handle on them. The trick to that is: sometimes you just can’t get a handle on things.
Look at health, as an example. Proper nutrition, rest, and exercise are no guarantee that you won’t have a major health issue. Sometimes it is what it is. Of course, if you walk around with an enormous genetic target on your back, as I do, it gets tricky to really accept things as they are. I am so accustomed to “making things happen” instead of just “letting” things happen that I struggle when it comes to things I cannot fight or fix: things that ARE.
Today I am working on locking the door on that negative energy. After the escapes I have made from toxic situations, it’s completely ridiculous to allow that negativity to walk in my own front door. It’s still a balancing act for me, though. I have such a tendency to go “lone wolf” as I face things that I have to be very aware of not closing the door on the good things too. And I have to struggle with my own sensitivity on that.
This morning a loved one asked me if I actually needed her with me for some things this week, or if her attendance was just for support. Yes, it’s for support. But I need that. Still, all of this is my “stuff” and in no way is it personally important for her to take it all on. So, in her mind there is a difference between necessity and support. I can’t say that hurts me, but it does lead me to re-evaluate the difference between our priorities.
Support, after all, can be just as much of a need as air or food or water. Especially when I am trying to slam and lock the door against my own fear.