Sweeping it under the rug…

That’s what we are known for here… Well, okay, obviously not Becky and the kids and I (LOL, do kids ever keep anything quiet?).  I have immense respect for privacy, I really do.  At a certain point in keeping myself accountable, I begin to wonder about all of this privacy that borders upon secrecy.

In my not-so-little family here, we do not keep secrets from each other.  I am beginning to realize that many people prefer that their lives operate on the basis of a left hand kept completely in the dark about what the right hand is doing.  I don’t buy into that.  In fact, it seems like an open opportunity for rampant manipulation to me.

It is a bizarre thing for a woman like me to ponder these things.  I am an only child, raised 3,000 miles away from all family members excepting my parents.  Yet I always wanted that large family…  Mind you, I had ZERO interest in childbirth — I thought adoption was the way to go.  🙂  But two children and a divorce later, I opted to be content with my smaller-than-anticipated but wonderful little family.  With Becky, the family is definitely larger.  In fact, right in line with the family size I thought would be ideal.  That just hit me yesterday.  When I wasn’t looking, what I always dreamed about landed in my lap.

Still, what does a “lonely only” really know about being a part of a large family?  Not a thing.  But I have wonderful instincts.  Beginning with the fact that we do not hide things here: from each other, or in a more general way.  We grow and live with a full sense of responsibility and comfort in who we are, and don’t keep secrets as if we are ashamed.

So, who am I?  I’m a 34 year old woman, divorced, with two children, who fell in love with a woman with three children.  Together, we are making a very loud, crazy, and happy home.  I also have cancer, hopefully not for much longer.  I am a desperately lapsed Catholic who talks to God constantly.  I am a survivor and a doer.  I cannot be held down for long, just thrown off temporarily.  And I am coming into my own, with my small army all around me.

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