The Morning After…

Well, after all of the upheaval of yesterday I am now into a new day…  Of course I have moved into my day on only 3 hours of sleep and much tossing and turning.

I can’t even really feel any irritation or anger today.

All I can really do is my usual:  write and prioritize and plan.  I know that in the long term I will not be able to continue living where I am.  But before I have that kind of conversation, there’s something much more important at stake here.

Yeah, you guessed it — I have cancer.  I can’t afford the division of energy required to fight with people.  I can’t afford the distraction.  My entire focus has to be on keeping my children and I healthy and happy and steady.  Anything that detracts from those three things just has to go.  I have to close the door on it.  And I have to get ahold of myself and not allow people to stir up my negativity levels, or stress levels…  I can’t afford endless sleepless nights like last night.  Realistically I know this, it’s just easier said than done.

So, back to the main focus.  My two kiddos have today off school, but Beck’s kids do not.  We are having a reading day together, and a gardening day.  Only good things to come, only healing to come.

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