So, I have been almost entirely mute on here for quite some time. Between the past chemo sessions kicking my butt HARD, and then surgery just a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been in a bit of a fog: couldn’t think of much to say, and then when I had a thought I kept losing the thread of it. Chemo brain kicked in at the end there.
Still, with Thanksgiving behind us now, I have been gaining clarity every day. It helps that I am finally allowed to take supplements and eat raw fruits and veggies again. I even went for a walk yesterday, and didn’t get totally wiped out by it. Sometimes I wonder how I will feel when it’s all done — I had been so tired for so long, it may be culture shock to actually be well again.
And, I have been increasingly grateful. I have these amazing children, and we have laughed and played and had honest-to-goodness FUN during chemo. I have a curious mini-physician who loves every medical experience I have, and my serious-minded mini-me who is ready to take on the world. They have been excelling in school, sleeping well, and verbalizing their feelings about this experience. I am blessed.
I have learned how to ask for help. (I know, I know, crazy isn’t it? Miraculously enough, my tongue didn’t burn clean out of my mouth when I asked for help.) And I have leared how to RECEIVE help where it is given. A hard lesson for a prideful woman like me — I give help, I don’t receive it.
I have forgiven my own past. Not that it was so dark, but I was carrying it with me. And I have learned that each step, each person, each trial, was a gift to me to bring me exactly where I needed to be. And waiting in that place, was everything I ever wanted to find within myself and others.
So, gratitude squared. I can see the forest again, but I am simply hiking in it now — not running around lost. 🙂
Blessings to you all…